올해 스물 한 번째 장례.

화장장이 경기도 화성으로 정해져서 보통보다 더 많은 시간이 걸릴 것으로 예상되었다. 먼 길이었지만 유가족이 단 두 분뿐이어서 교구 상례부원들께 가능하신 분들은 모두 동행해 주시기를 부탁드렸다.

토요일임에도 적지 않은 상례부원들께서 오셔서 처음부터 끝까지 함께 해주셨고, 교구 조가대도 몸을 좀 다쳐서 불편하신 분까지도 오셔서 정성을 다해 조가를 불러주셨다. 덕분에 어머니를 잃은 슬픈 딸과 그 남편께서 외롭지 않게 장례를 치를 수 있었다.

이른 새벽이든지 먼 곳이든지 장례가 나면 달려와 이름도 없이, 대가도 없이 성심으로 섬기시는 상례부, 조가대 권사님들은 교구 목회자에게 참 고맙고 든든한 동역자들이다.

오전 열 시 반에 교회를 출발해서 일정을 모두 마치고 교회에 돌아오니 저녁 일곱 시 반이었다. 오늘 하루를 돌아보니 애처로운 유가족의 얼굴과 함께 했던 권사님들의 얼굴이 떠오른다.

그리고 오늘따라 유난히 더 푸르고 높아 보였던 영락동산의 하늘도.
가을이구나.

2023. 9. 23.

선물의 집

요즘 유치원에 다니는 아들이 즐겨 보는 영상 중 하나는 “개구쟁이 스머프”이다. 나 역시 어린 시절에 재미있게 보았던 만화인데, 아이도 그것을 보며 자라고 있다. 새로운 시즌들이 이어져 나오면서 스토리는 바뀌었지만, 그래도 캐릭터들은 친숙하다. 잠시 아이 옆에 앉아 TV를 보니 그 중에 ‘익살이’(Jokey)가 눈에 들어온다. 익살이에게는 매일이 만우절이다. 그는 항상 뜬금없이 나타나 다른 스머프들에게 선물 상자를 내미는데, 그가 준 선물 상자는 뚜껑을 열면 언제나 ‘펑’하고 터져버린다. 그러면 처음에는 기쁨으로 선물을 받아 들었던 스머프들의 얼굴에는 당황한 표정과 그을음만이 남는다. 이 장면을 보며 옆에 앉은 아이는 재미있다고 낄낄거리지만, 난 괜히 심각한 생각에 빠져든다.

최근에 지인들 중에서 자기 교회 목회자에 대한 깊은 실망을 토로하는 사람의 이야기를 들은 적이 있다. 그 교회는 몇 년 전에 새로운 담임목회자를 청빙했다. 비슷비슷한 여러 후보들 중에서 하얀 피부에 외모도 보기 좋고, 말도 가장 잘하는 사람이 교인들의 선택을 받았다. 그러나 한두 해가 지나가면서 담임목사님의 얼굴은 점점 어두워져 갔고, 교회에는 여러 가지 문제들이 생기기 시작했다. 교인들 중에는 새로운 목사님을 지지하는 이들도 있었지만, 적지 않은 이들이 깊은 실망감을 느끼고 자신들의 선택을 후회했다. 그 이야기를 떠올리며, 스스로에게 이런 질문을 던졌다. ‘나와 나의 가족들은 교인들에게 선물과 같은 존재일까?’

아마 많은 교회들이 목회자를 청빙하며, 목회자와 그 가정이 하나님께서 자신들에게 주시는 선물과 같은 존재이기를 기대할 것이다. 그러면서도 우리 교회 강단에 세워놓으면 보기에 그럴듯하고, 듣기에도 만족스러운 상품을 고르듯이 목회자를 선택하는 경우가 적지 않은 것 같다. 그러다 보니 실상은 뚜껑을 열면 터지는 ‘익살이’의 선물 상자를 받은 것처럼 실망과 분노와 상처를 경험하는 이들이 생기는 것 같다. 그런 경우에 목회자와 그의 가정은 교인들에게 선물 상자가 아니라 폭탄 상자나 깜짝 상자(jack-in-the-box)로 여겨지고 말 것이다. 그래서 아들과 함께 “개구쟁이 스머프”를 본 이후 종종 이렇게 기도하게 된다. “주님, 저희 가정이 어느 곳에 있든지 그곳 사람들에게 선물과 같은 존재가 되게 하여 주십시오. 그렇게 되도록 저희의 내면을 아름답게 빚어주십시오.”

‘선물’, 곧 하나님의 ‘은총’은 영성 훈련을 인도하다 보면 종종 언급하게 되는 단어이다. 며칠 전 가평의 필그림하우스에서도 그러했다. 영락교회의 3남선교회에서 외국인 사역자들을 대상으로 진행하는 선교 프로그램이 그곳에서 있었는데, 그 중 영성 훈련 인도를 부탁받아 먼 길을 달려 찾아갔다. 배정된 시간이 늦은 저녁이고, 한 시간 남짓 정도밖에 되지 않아서, 무엇을 할까 고민하다가, 성찰의 기도(examen)를 소개하였다.

‘성찰의 기도’, 또는 ‘의식 성찰’이라고 부르는 이 영성 훈련은 지난 시간을 돌아보며, 하나님께서 내 삶에 어떻게 함께 하셨고, 나는 하나님께 어떻게 반응하였는지는 살펴보며 기도하는 시간이다. 새벽부터 늦은 저녁까지 긴 하루를 보내며 피곤한 몸으로 앉아 있는 이들에게 의식 성찰의 이론과 방법을 간단하게 소개하고, 직접 실습하는 시간을 가졌다. “이제 침묵 가운데, 각자 주님과 함께 오늘 하루를 돌아보며, 하나님께서 나에게 베풀어 주신 선물들이 무엇인지 살펴 보겠습니다.”라고 안내한 후 종을 치고 나 역시 눈을 감고 앉았다.

그런데 성찰 가운데 예상치 못한 선물들이 나의 마음속에 또렷하게 떠올랐다. 그것은 가평으로 오는 길에 함께 차를 타고 왔던 영락수련원 봉사자들, 그리고 필그림하우스에 와서 저녁식사 시간 전후에 만나 함께 이야기 나누고 기도하였던 성도들의 얼굴이었다. 하나님께서는 내게 “이들이 내가 너에게 준 선물들이다.”라고 말씀하시는 듯하였다.

사실 이전까지는 내가 목회자로서 교인들에게 선물이 되어야 한다는 생각은 했지만, 교인들이 하나님께서 나에게 주시는 선물이라는 생각은 하지 못했다. 그러나 이 글을 쓰며 지금까지 목회 여정 중에 만난 성도들을 떠올려보니 하나님께서는 내가 어느 교회로 가든지 그곳에서 참 좋은 선물들을 만나게 해 주셨다. 내가 그분들에게 좋은 선물이었다고 자신 있게 말할 수는 없지만, 그분들은 내가 목회자로 형성되고, 존재하는(being) 데에 참 좋은 선물이었음이 분명하다. 나를 목회자로서 존중하고 친절하게 대해준 분들만이 아니라 그 반대의 경우도 마찬가지로 하나님께서 나를 위해 준비해 주시고, 베풀어 주신 선물들이었다. 때로는 그렇게 느끼지 못하고, 투덜이 스머프처럼 불평할 때도 있었지만 말이다.

이러한 생각 끝에 실망 속에 있는 지인의 교회를 다시 떠올린다. 그리고 지금은 어려움을 겪는 그 교회도, 목회자와 교인이 서로에게 선물이 되어가고, 좋은 선물임을 발견할 수 있기를 기도한다. 그러한 교회는 하나님의 은총으로, 주님의 선물들로 가득한 선물의 집과 같은 공동체일 것이다.

- 〈월간 문화목회〉39(2023년 9월호), 22-25에 게재된 글을 옮겨놓는다. 

아들을 잃어버린 두 어머니를 만났다.

한 어머니는 끔찍한 사고로 아들과 손자를 잃었고,

다른 어머니는 남편과 아들을 잃었다.

그들은 시어머니와 며느리이다.

그러고 보니 알겠다.

사람의 몸을 입고 이 땅에 오신 예수 그리스도는

반드시 죽으셔야 했다.

아니 죽임을 당해야 했다.

죽임을 당하되 비참하게 살해당하고,

고통스럽게 숨을 거두셔야 했다.

그래야 그가 비참하게 죽어간 이들과 함께 고통받으실 수 있기 때문이다.

그렇게 해야 사랑하는 아들을 잃어버린 하늘 아버지가

이땅의 애통하는 모든 부모들의 심정을 헤아리실 수 있기 때문이다.

그래야 그가 비통과 절망으로 어찌할 바를 모르는 이들과 함께 애통하며

그들의 손을 잡고 일으키실 수 있기 때문이다.

2023. 6. 24.

Korean Journal of Christian Studies(한국기독교신학논총) Vol. 129에 게재한 글의 전문을 옮겨 놓는다. 

I. Introduction

Does a classic narrative still have practical value for today’s readers? Are the thoughts in an ancient narrative appropriate for today’s context? The answers to these questions may vary depending on each narrative and context. It must be noted that some classic narratives have recently been reappraised from today’s perspective and, as a result, have been modified or eliminated from recommended reading lists.[1] Then, can the ancient martyrdom narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas, which is considered by many scholars as a Montanist document,[2] benefit today’s readers? Is the narrative helpful or dangerous for “orthodox” believers?[3] Does the passion narrative need to be adapted to today’s reader’s system of thoughts in order to be regarded as a “beneficial” classic writing?

The goal of this research is not to examine the historical features of the churches of the time of Carthage in order to defend the passion and martyrdom narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas from the suspicions of a “heretic” document.[4] Joyce Salisbury has already argued that at the time of Perpetua, “The church in Carthage had not yet split into such clear distinctions” between the orthodox and the heterodox and that “religious sensibilities of the two groups were very similar in 203.”[5] Rather, I will argue the narrative’s value for today’s readers as a useful means to deepen their understandings of spiritual practice to be witnesses of Christ. I believe that the process of the passion and martyrdom of the two women was that of spiritual practice and growth. Therefore, exposing the elements and dynamic of their spiritual practice will help contemporary readers to understand not only an ancient spiritual practice, but also today’s spirituality of martyrdom, specifically the spirituality of North Korean Christianity[6] which is under severe persecution and producing many martyrs. Also, contemporary readers can use the passion narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas as a resource for spiritual practice.

To achieve such a goal, I will mainly use a literary approach and focus on the contents and dynamic of the narrative. Yet, I will also refer to some useful outcomes of historical research. First, I will analyze the spiritual practices in the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas, which I will then compare with the dynamic of the Spiritual Exercises by Ignatius of Loyola (1491-1556). Finally, I will examine the potential power of the passion narrative for a spiritual practice, not only for ancient readers and but also for today’s Korean readers.

II. Spiritual Practices in the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas

In this part, I will analyze the spiritual practices in the passion narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas, in order to prove the nature of the two women’s passion and martyrdom as a continuum of spiritual practices. According to Alvyn Pettersen this narrative “does present to the reader the acts of inner self-discipline which the true follower of Christ in North Africa was then expected to adopt in the pursuit of virtue and perfection.”[7] He writes that the core of the inner self-discipline is a spirituality dependent upon imitatio Christi. However, I will argue that the spiritual practices in the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas are not limited to inner self-discipline but are also expanded to contemplation in a communal life.

Perpetua and Felicitas were among a group of young catechumens who were arrested and martyred in 203 in Carthage during the time of persecution of Christians by Septimus Severus, a Roman Emperor who ruled from 193 to 211. The narrator of the Passion introduces Vibia Perpetua as a newly married woman from a good family. She was about twenty-two years old and was breastfeeding her baby when she was imprisoned. As for Felicitas, she was a young slave in the eighth month of pregnancy when she was arrested. Felicitas miraculously gave birth to a child about two months prematurely so that she could be martyred with her companions.[8]

1. Baptism: Confessing One’s Identity as a Christian, a Forgiven Sinner

For Perpetua and Felicitas, baptism – including the preparation procedures for baptism – was a spiritual practice to discover and to confess their identity as purified sinners. Sara Parvis thinks that at the time of Perpetua, catechumens, people preparing for baptism, were not yet expected to confess themselves as Christians. They were still “unsure of themselves, and perhaps unsure of their loyalty.”[9] Thus, for them, the period of preparing for baptism was the time to find their identity as Christians. In Chapter 3 of the passion narrative, Perpetua confidently confesses her identity as a Christian saying “I cannot be called anything other than what I am, a Christian”[10] just a few days before her baptism. Such a connection between baptism and identity is easily found in many Christian writings.[11] Then, what does it mean to confess one’s identity as a Christian?

In the study on Perpetua’s passion narrative, Tertullian (c.160 – c.220) is an important figure in that he is regarded by many researchers as the author of the Passion and a contemporary of Perpetua who also came from Carthage. He understands that the significance of baptism is in the purification from sins. In his treatise “On Baptism,” Tertullian writes that Christian baptism is the sacrament of water, in which “the sins of our early blindness” are washed away.[12] Thus, he strongly urges those who are about to be baptized to pray repeatedly with a confession of all their sins. Interestingly, he concludes this treatise with his identity as “Tertullian the sinner.”[13] Therefore, for Tertullian, and maybe also for Perpetua, receiving baptism means confessing one’s identity as a Christian, a purified sinner, and experiencing the forgiving grace and power of the Lord. In this sense, the process of preparing and receiving baptism is not only a liturgical event but also a part of their continuous spiritual practice to find their identity and to experience God’s forgiving love.

2. Temptation: Detaching from Bodily Satisfaction and Hope

In the last chapter of his treatise “On baptism,” Tertullian writes about what Christians should do after the reception of baptism. He interprets Jesus’ temptation after his baptism as an example which shows that Christians should not search for bodily satisfaction but ought to be satisfied with what is from God. Also, he argues that “temptation incident to fullness or immoderation of appetite are shattered by abstinence.”[14] Therefore, Tertullian exhorts his readers to detach from bodily pleasures by practicing self-control after baptism. Similarly, Perpetua writes, “I was inspired by the Spirit not to ask for any other favour after the water [baptism] but simply the perseverance of the flesh.”[15] It seems that such a record was influenced by the story of Jesus who was led to the desert by the Spirit to be tempted by the devil (Matthew 4:1) and that, as we can see in Tertullian’s writing, the perseverance or abstinence amid the temptation after baptism was a generally required spiritual practice of that time.

In the Passion, the temptation came to Perpetua in two ways. First, she was tempted with physical suffering and the threat of death. Although she did not yield to the physical temptation, she admits it was a very difficult time. After her first vision, through which she and her companions realized that they would suffer and die, they “no longer had any hope in this life.”[16] More painful was the other temptation, Perpetua’s worry about her infant son and family. Her aged father was both furious with her and also begged to her with tears to sacrifice to the Roman Emperor. Although this temptation could not make her deny her identity as a Christian, it threw her into a deep anxiety. She records that “I was in pain because I saw [my family] suffering out of pity for me. These were the trials I had to endure for many days.”[17] However, in the end, she was relieved of any anxiety and tried to comfort her family. Sara Parvis interprets her concern for her family, not only for the living people but also for her dead brother Dinocrates whom she saw in her second and third visions, as “building the family of God.”[18] In other words, this is a movement from the family of flesh to the family of God. Such a movement is an aspect of her spiritual growth.[19] Consequently, in the passion narrative of Perpetua, the perseverance amid the temptation after baptism is a gradual spiritual practice, through which one detaches from the search of bodily satisfaction or comfort and moves from the hope in this world to the hope in heaven. This is the process of healing and reorientation of disordered desires.

3. Passion and Martyrdom: Fighting as a Solider of Christ against the Devil: Contemplation

For Perpetua, Felicitas, and their companions, to choose passion and martyrdom is to fight against the devil as Christ’s soldiers. In Perpetua’s fourth vision, which she had the day before their martyrdom in an amphitheater, Perpetua suddenly became a male warrior fighting against an Egyptian. She trampled the head of the enemy and defeated him. After awakening from the vision, Perpetua realized that she would fight not with wild animals but with the devil in the amphitheater and would win. Also, in the account of their martyrdom, the narrator reports that the martyrs desired martyrdom out of their own free will and depicts the martyrs as heroines and heroes who won victory in the battle against the devil.

It must be noted that the narrator describes the martyrdom as “a second baptism.” Specifically, Felicitas, who had just given birth and would fight the beasts, was “going from one blood bath to another, from the midwife to the gladiator, ready to wash after childbirth in a second baptism.”[20] Therefore, preparing for martyrdom, the second baptism, is a formational process of one’s identity as a solider of Christ. Also, Tertullian gives more information on the conception of the second baptism in his treatise on baptism. According to him, the second baptism is bathing in the blood and drinking the blood sent out from the wound of Christ.[21] Thus, the second baptism is a participation in the passion of the Christ and the act of witnessing, by Christians’ blood, Jesus who shed his blood for the salvation of the world (cf. 1 Corinthians 11:26). In this sense, martyrdom as the second baptism is not a one-time event, but a summit of gradual spiritual practices that started with the preparation of the first baptism. In the process towards martyrdom, a Christian finds and freely chooses to embody one’s identity as a solider of Christ, a witness of Jesus.

In addition, the passion and martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicitas can be understood as contemplation. In a sense, contemplation is abiding in God’s presence in mutual love or union with God, not only in prayer but also in action. Also, in many Christian writings, contemplation has been expressed in the bridal symbol of a spiritual marriage with Christ. The narrator describes Perpetua, in the scene where she goes to the amphitheater to be martyred, as “a wife of Christ.”[22] This may be the reason for the narrator’s silence regarding Perpetua’s husband, as well as that of Felicitas. It seems that the narrator intentionally omits her husband in the Passion in order not to confuse the image of Perpetua as a wife of Christ.[23] Also, Perpetua says to her father that she and her companions are not left to themselves, but in God’s power. She experiences God’s presence and power even in the darkest dungeon. Similarly, Felicitas confesses her strong belief that when she suffers for the Lord, he also suffers for her inside her. Such a mutual suffering is another expression of mutual comfort and love. For the women, therefore, martyrdom is a space for union with God.

Indeed, the narrator writes that in the amphitheater, Perpetua had been so absorbed in ecstasy in the Spirit that she was not aware that she had already been thrown to the heifer. In this sense, Alvyn Pettersen contends, “Perpetua was identified in this her second baptism with the crucified and glorified Christ. Yet that identification was not a thing ‘acquired.’”[24] Thus, it can be said that the identification with Christ, or the union with God, which the two female martyrs seem to experience on the day of their martyrdom, is an infused Contemplation. According to Thomas Merton, the infused or mystical contemplation, to which one can reach through the path of “ascetic self-denial,” is an ecstasy in which “the gap between our spirit as subject and God as object is finally closed, and in the embrace of mystical love we know that we and He are one.”[25] It seems that such a union was given to Perpetua and Felicitas who were in mutual love and suffering with Christ in the amphitheater. It is the culmination of their spiritual practice.

4. Others: Resurrection and Community

In the dynamics of the spiritual practices in the Passion, there are other elements which should be mentioned. In the passion narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas, the author also contains another figure’s narrative. Saturus, who is conjectured as the catechist of the young catechumens by some researchers, is arrested with the others and has his own vision in prison in which Saturus and Perpetua die and enter into heaven. He writes, “All of us [they and other martyrs] were sustained by a most delicious odour that seemed to satisfy us. And then I woke up happy.” Probably, all of his companions in prison knew Saturus’s vision and meditated upon it. It seems that the young Christians tasted mystical happiness and joy through the meditation on the vision. This helped them to detach themselves from bodily satisfaction and advance toward martyrdom.

In addition, spiritual practice in the Passion is not limited just to inner self-discipline but expanded to a communal practice. Baptism in the early third century of Carthage was a twofold public confession: first, a confession of one’s sins and then a confession of one’s identity as a Christian, a forgiven sinner. According to Tertullian, when Christians receive baptism, they “publicly confess [their] iniquities or [their] turpitudes”[26] Therefore, baptism is a becoming a member of a new community. From this perspective, Salisbury contends, “The narrative of Perpetua was dominated by family attachment to the new community that had become her family.”[27]

 Also, in their second baptism, martyrdom, Perpetua and Felicitas did not fight alone. The scene in which Perpetua gives her hand to Felicitas to lift her up and then stands with Felicitas side-by-side symbolically shows the martyrs’ solidarity in the process of passion and martyrdom. Moreover, in the Passion there are other scenes which report their communal practices, for example, a love feast on the day before their martyrdom. This means that in the narrative, baptism, temptation, passion, and martyrdom as spiritual practices were conducted in the bond of communal love and faith. For the martyrs, those were public and communal practices.

III. Comparison with the Spiritual Exercises

In this part, I will compare the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas with the Spiritual Exercises from the perspective of spiritual practice. The Spiritual Exercises by Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Society of Jesus, is one of the most well-organized manual for spiritual practice in Christianity. The Spiritual Exercises is a compilation of various materials, so it is impossible to examine the entire dynamic of the Exercises in detail in this limited paper. Hence, I will simply summarize the general dynamic while laying emphasis on each Week’s main subject, in order to compare it with the dynamic of the spiritual practice in the Passion.

1. Dynamic of the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola.

The basic dynamic of the Spiritual Exercises is based on two mutual loves which move toward one another. According to Michael Ivens, a renowned commentator of the Exercises, “The dynamic of the exercise turns on the two meanings of the love of God, God’s love for us and ours for God.”[28] Although this is a comment on “the Contemplation to attain love,” which concludes the Exercises, it also applies for the whole dynamic of the Spiritual Exercises. The reason is that the Contemplation to attain love is “a highly condensed form [of] the very kernel of the Exercises.” [29]

As seen in Table 1, the Spiritual Exercises is composed of four Weeks which have specific materials. Although all the Weeks flow in the movement of the main dynamic, the two mutual loves, there are specific aims in each Week which are expected to be attained by most exercitants.

Table 1. Structure and dynamics of the Spiritual Exercises

The First Week consists of three contents: Principle and Foundation, Examen, and Five Meditations on Sins. The Principle and Foundation is both the introduction and navigator which points out the ultimate goal of the Exercises. Through the Examen and the Five Meditations on Sins, the exercitants are expected to find themselves as beloved sinners. “The graces of the First Week evolve from a more objective awareness and understanding of sin and its effect, to a deep personal realization that she [or he] is a loved and forgiven sinner.”[30] Also, this First Week is generally understood as a process of purification and detachment.

The Second Week, which has seven contents, is the most complicated. However, the seven contents are classified into two groups: first, meditation and contemplation on the life of Christ; and second, preparing and making the Election.[31] In this Week, two kinds of materials are interwoven strategically, and all of them lead the exercitants to choose to follow Jesus more freely. “The grace of the Second Week, a deepening relationship with Jesus, offers new ways of knowing, loving and following.”[32]

In the Third Week and Fourth Week, exercitants are invited to the paschal mystery, i.e., Jesus’ passion and resurrection. According to Michael Ivens, the main subjects of the Third Week are compassion with Jesus and confirmation of the Election.[33] The exercitants, who choose a certain specific life situation in the former Week, confirm the decision by sharing the sufferings of Jesus.

Finally, in the Fourth Week, they experience the grace of joy, which flows from the resurrection of Christ. Such joy prepares them for the ascent to the summit of the Exercises, i.e., the Contemplation to attain love. In this Contemplation, Ignatius exhorts exercitants “to ask for interior knowledge of all the great good I have received, in order that, stirred to profound gratitude, I may become able to love and serve his Divine Majesty in all things.”[34] Here exists the threefold dynamic, which consists of interior knowledge, profound gratitude, and loving service.[35] If the exercitants experience an interior knowledge of Jesus, as well as of what God has given them through all the Weeks of the Exercises, naturally their gratitude for those graces becomes deep. As such, they cannot restrain themselves from loving God with their whole heart and freely choose to serve God, not by fear, but by love. They, therefore, pray with these words:

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and all my will—all that I have and possess. You, Lord, have given all that to me. I now give it back to you, O Lord. All of it is yours. Dispose of it according to your will. Give me your love and your grace, for that is enough for me.[36]

In this sense, the dynamic of the Spiritual Exercises, which starts from the Principle and Foundation, reaches the summit of itself in the Contemplation to attain love. An exercitant’s “disordered affections,”[37] referred to in the Principle and Foundation, find their ordered direction toward God’s love and will, and all of her or his faculties of the soul pursue to unite with God’s love and will at this culmination.

It must be noted that the exercitant’s love toward God should be expressed in action which gives all God’s gifts back to the Lord. Ignatius emphasizes, “Love ought to manifest itself more by deeds than by words.”[38] Thus, it is not an exaggeration to say the action is both the finishing touch of the whole exercises and the exercitants’ response to the grace of the Spiritual Exercises. Clearly, the ultimate object of the Spiritual Exercises is to love God and serve the Lord according to God’s will in one’s everyday life.

2. Dynamic of the Spiritual Practices in the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas

As examined above, the dynamic of the spiritual practice in the Passion starts with the preparation of baptism. Perpetua and her companions were catechumens who prepared the reception of baptism. The preparation of baptism is the period of finding and confessing one’s identity as Christians – i.e., sinners – as well as the period of purification of their sins. Thus, in the passion narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas, baptism is the culmination of the preparatory spiritual practices and of the conversion process, but also a new start towards the higher goal of martyrdom.

Although Perpetua could confidently confess that she was a Christian, it did not mean that she was completely free from temptations. Like Jesus who was tempted after his baptism, Perpetua, a newly baptized Christian had to face temptations. It can be said that to undergo temptations is an extension of the purification which started in the preparation of baptism. However, purification in temptation is different in that it is about detachment from the pursuit of bodily satisfaction and hope in this world. In this process, to meditate on resurrection and the life in heaven helps Christians in the purification of their disordered desire by letting them taste the bliss of heaven.

 Also, the meditation on the afterlife supported the young Christians with the power to endure their sufferings in this world. Paradoxically, in the Passion, they were not passive victims but active soldiers of Christ, who freely chose to participate in Jesus’ passion and witness his blood through their second baptism of martyrdom. Thus, passion and martyrdom in the narrative are ways to find and to embody another Christian identity, that of a soldier of Christ. In this sense, Elizabeth A. Castelli writes that “in the diary, the question of identity—of Perpetua’s true self—functions as a central driving force in the literary self-portrait.”[39] The connection between martyrdom and identity is a fundamental idea in Christian martyrdom. Michael P. Jensen argues, “Martyrdom thus provides us with a unique opportunity to examine and reflect on the meaning of Christian identity and its reception in the world.”[40] Therefore, the issue of identity continues in the spiritual practices in the Passion and, at the end, reaches its peak of mystical contemplation at the moment of martyrdom. In this mystical experience, Perpetua and Felicitas are united with Christ in mutual suffering and love. In sum, the dynamic of the spiritual practices in the Passion flows toward martyrdom. Through a two-fold purification, purification of sins and purification of bodily desires, the identity of the human being is found, extended, and integrated with Christ.

3. Common grounds between the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas and the Spiritual Exercises

It is very interesting that in the two spiritual practices, the Passion and the Exercises, there are many common themes: (1) Identity as sinner and soldier of Christ; (2) purification and detachment; (3) passion and resurrection; and (4) union with Christ in mission or martyrdom. First, the starting point of both spiritual practices is the identity as a forgiven sinner or a Christian. Then, the exercitants or nascent Christians go through a process of purification and detachment. Also, the participation in the passion of Christ or the imitation of Christ is a very important element to which the exercitants and Christians are strongly attracted. In addition, the two classics use military symbols of being soldiers of Christ. For example, through the Kingdom and Two Standards exercises in the Second Week of the Exercises, the exercitants are invited to participate in the army of Christ, the Eternal King, which is fighting against Satan. For the Passion, as pointed out above, Perpetua and Felicitas are warriors against the devil. When it comes to the goal of the spiritual practices, the passion narrative of the two women reaches its peak in the scene of martyrdom, a mystical union with Christ. Similarly, the Exercises aims to form its exercitants into contemplatives in action who are united with Christ in their participation in Christ’s mission[41] for the Kingdom of God.

Although the dynamics and elements of the spiritual practices in the Passion and the Exercises do not exactly coincide with one another, their common elements signify some important implications. First, it shows the link between spiritual practices and spirituality. The dynamics of the two spiritual practices, which move from the realization of one’s identity as a forgiven sinner towards a union with Christ in mission or martyrdom, provide the young martyrs of Carthage and the exercitants of the Exercises with active or apostolic spiritualities.[42] Also, the commonalities between the Spiritual Exercises and the Passion imply that the editor of the Passion might intend to contain not only a continuum of events, but also the process of the martyrs’ spiritual formation in order to help its readers to be formed as witnesses of Christ. Finally, although the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas is the story of the specific time and place of early third century Carthage, the essence of the narrative goes beyond the limitations of time and place and has common grounds with the Spiritual Exercises, which was written in sixteenth century Spain and Rome and has been widespread in this twenty-first century. Therefore, such common grounds support the value of ancient narratives for today’s readers. In what way, then, can the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas benefit contemporary Korean Christians?

IV. The Narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas in Today’s Korean Context

In this short part, I will briefly examine the nature of the passion narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas as a resource for readers’ spiritual practices and its potential value for contemporary Korean readers. This narrative was very popular in the North African church in early Christianity,[43] and is still read by some western Christians and scholars. However, few Korean Christians know the story of Perpetua or Felicitas.

1. The Passion Narrative as a Resource for a Spiritual Practice

The Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas consists of Perpetua’s and Saturus’s own records of their passion and visions, with the narrator’s apologetic introduction and concluding description of their martyrdom. In the introduction, the narrator reveals the purpose of the writing (editing):

And so, my brethren and little children, that which we have heard and have touched with our hands we proclaim also to you, so that those of you that were witnesses may recall the glory of the Lord and those that now learn of it through hearing may have fellowship with the holy martyrs and, through them, with the Lord Christ Jesus, to whom belong splendor and honor for all ages. Amen.[44]

It is noteworthy that the narrator places the martyrs and their writing as mediators between the readers and Christ by using the biblical verses in 1 John 1. This means that the narrator intended to provide the Passion as a spiritual document, through which readers might encounter Christ. Therefore, this narrative was written not only to encourage the early Christians in danger of being martyred, but also to provide them with a material for spiritual practices. According to Salisbury, at that time “it was customary for Christians to come to the executions…to learn how to die for the faith.”[45] In this sense the Passion, which shows the passion and martyrdom of the exemplary Christians, was a living text, through which the early Christians learned how to live as discipleships of Jesus and how to die as witnesses of Christ in the time of persecution. Then, in what way can today’s readers experience Christ or engage in spiritual practices through reading the narrative?

Johann B. Metz contends that “narrative presses toward the practical communication of the experiences amassed in it.”[46] In other words, a narrator communicates the memory in the narrative at hand with readers beyond time and space. Therefore, by reading the passion narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas, readers can touch the martyrs’ experiences, including their mystical experiences of Christ. Immersing in the experience of the exemplary martyrs, the readers could find their identity as sinners and soldiers of Christ, are ashamed of their disordered desires, and have a new desire to be united with Christ in their passion and mission.

Although most Christians neither are martyrs nor partake in martyrdom, martyrdom cannot be separated from the Christian identity. Michael P. Jensen argues, “Martyrdom is the possibility latent in the Christian identity, for all Christians are called to ‘witness’ or ‘testimony’ that might result in bloody (or ‘red’) martyrdom. Every Christian, we might say, is already a martyr; for, as Dietrich Bonhoeffer put it, ‘[T]he cross is laid on every Christian’.”[47] Thus, not only North Korean Christians under persecution, but even South Korean Christian readers, who have very little chance to be martyred, can have courage to lay down their life for Christ as the witnesses of Jesus Christ by reading and meditating on the passion narrative which communicates the young martyrs’ experience to its readers.

2. How Could the Passion Narrative Speak to North and South Korean Christians?

Open Doors, an international non-profit organization for persecuted Christians, has classified North Korea in its 2023 report as the worst persecuting country in the world.[48] It estimates that in North Korea, there are about four million Christians, among which about seventy thousand are detained in labor camps. A number of Christians have also been martyred for their faith. In some sense, the martyrdom of North Korean Christians is similar with that of Perpetua and her companions. Many North Korean defectors, who fled to China in search of food or freedom, become Christians by contacting missionaries there. After the reception of baptism and with some education, some freely choose to return to North Korea to witness Jesus to their people, despite the risk of martyrdom. Martyrdom has been the core of the spirituality of North Korean Christianity for the past seventy years. For North Korean Christians, martyrdom is not defeat but victory, and not shame but glory. Some stories of their martyrdom have become known by the witness of North Korean defectors, like Lee Soon Ok who was a prisoner in North Korea before her conversion to Christianity in South Korea. She says,

While I was there, I never saw Christians deny their faith. Not one. When these Christians were silent, the officers become furious and kick them. At that time I could not understand why they risked their lives…I even saw many who sang hymns as the kicking and hitting intensified. The officers would call them crazy and take them to the electric-treatment room. I didn’t see one come out alive.[49]

These are people who, by their blood, witness Christ, like Saturus, who witnessed to a soldier before his martyrdom.

Therefore, on the basis of such similarities, Perpetua could speak beyond time and place to people suffering under severe persecution with the exhortation she gave her brothers, “You must all stand fast in the faith and love one another, and do not be weakened by what we have gone through.”[50] In other words, the passion and martyrdom narrative of the young Christians of ancient Carthage could provide North Korean Christians comfort and courage. Also, as a resource for spiritual practices, of which the goal is union with Christ in martyrdom, the passion narrative could help North Korean defectors who decide to go back to their country to serve their people.

As for South Korean Christians, they could re-discover their lost Christian identity as martyrs. The root of Korean Christianity is the early Christians’ endangering faith, for which they risked their lives under the persecution of Japanese Imperialism in the early twentieth century. Therefore, the rediscovery of the Christians’ identity as martyrs could be a breakthrough in the current crisis of South Korean Protestantism,[51] in that an identity as martyrs could help South Koreans restore the essence of their Christian faith. Hae-young Choi has found some significant similarities between the martyrdom of Perpetua and that of Jun-kyung Mun (1891-1950), a Korean woman martyr, and contends that their exemplary witness and martyrdom need to be inherited by today’s Christians in their witness and sacrifice.[52] The martyrdom narrative of the early Christians encourages today’s South Korean Christians not to compromise their faith by seeking worldly satisfaction, comfort, and power, but to sacrifice their profits and safety to be the true witnesses of Jesus Christ, who emptied and humbled himself to reconcile the world to God.

Also, through reading the Passion, South Korean Christians could gain a lens to see North Korean Christian faith and spirituality. It seems that most South Korean Christians have sympathy for North Korean believers, but a few people think that they need to learn the miserable Christians’ faith, for which North Korean Christians risk their lives. Hence, Perpetua and Felicitas would speak, through the narrative, to South Korean Christians that their brothers and sisters (the North) are not only needy persons but also exemplary Christians from whom they should learn.

V. Conclusion

The ancient narrative, the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas, still has precious value not only because there is still martyrdom in the world, but also because the narrative communicates to today’s readers the spiritual practices of nascent martyrs and their experiences and invites them to live as witnesses of Christ. Elizabeth A. Castelli, contends that “[Perpetua’s] diary can be fruitfully read as a record of ascetic engagement, where disciplined practice and repetition generate a new identity and inaugurate a new symbolic reality.” This narrative is a precious source of spiritual practice for North Korean Christians under persecution and South Korean Christians in crisis. Fortunately, the recent publication of the Korean translation of the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas helps Korean readers to access the ancient narrative with easy.[53] Finally, for further study, I refrain from an analysis of the role of structure, characters, and narrator in the Passion, that is, the way in which the narrative components present the story as a mean of a spiritual practice.

Keywords:

Perpetua and Felicitas, Ignatius of Loyola, Spiritual Practice, Martyrdom Narrative, North Korea Church

페르페투아와 펠리시타스, 로욜라의 이냐시오, 영성 훈련, 순교 이야기, 북한 교회

Bibliography

A. Resources on the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas

닛사의 그레고리 외. 『초기 기독교 여성 지도자들』[The Women Leaders in the Early Christianity]. Tr. by 김재현, 전경미. Seoul: KIATS, 2019.

Butler, Rex D. The New Prophecy & “New Visions”: Evidence of Montanism in The Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas. Washington, D.C.: The Catholic University of America Press, 2006.

Choi, Hae-young. “A Comparative Study on the Similarities of Martyrdom in the Ancient Roman Empire and S. Korea in the First half of the 20th Century.” Theology and Mission 50 (2017), 53-85.

Davis, Patricia M. “The Weaning of Perpetua: Female Embodiment and Spiritual Growth Metaphor in the Dream of an Early Christian Martyr.” Dreaming 15 (2005), 261-270.

Franz, Marie-Louise von. The Passion of Perpetua. Irving, TX: Spring Publication, 1980.

Musurillo, Herbert, ed. Acts of the Christian Martyrs. London: Oxford University Press, 1972.

Parvis, Sara “Perpetua.” Expository Times 120 (2009/5), 365-72.

Pettersen, Alvyn. “Perpetua—Prisoner of Conscience.” Vigiliae Christianae 41 (1987), 139-153.

Salisbury, Joyce E. Perpetua’s Passion: The Death and Memory of a Young Roman Woman. New York: Routledge, 1997.

B. Resources on the Spiritual Exercises

Au, Wilkie. “Ignatian Service: Gratitude and Love in Action.” Studies in the Spirituality of Jesuits 40 (2008), 1-32.

Buckley, Michael. “The Contemplation To Attain Love.” Supplement to the Way 24 (1975), 92-104.

Cooper, Michael W. “Ignatian Spirituality: Unitative Action with Christ on Mission.” Presence: An International Journal of Spiritual Direction 2 (1996/9), 25-39.

Dyckman, Katherine, Mary Garvin, and Elizabeth Liebert. The Spiritual Exercises Reclaimed: Uncovering Liberating Possibilities for Women. Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press, 2001.

Ignatius of Loyola. Spiritual Exercises and Selected Works. Ed. by George E. Ganss. New York: Paulist Press, 1991.

Ivens, Michael. Understanding the Spiritual Exercises. Herfordshire, England: Gracewing, 1998.

C. Others

Editorial. “That’s not Twain.” New York Times. January 5, 2011. https://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/06/opinion/06thu4.html. Accessed on March 3, 2023.

Jensen, Michael P. Martyrdom and Identity: The Self on Trial. New York: T&T Clark International, 2010.

Lixin, Wan. “Confucian tenets of good conduct relevant to schoolchildren today.” Shanghai Daily. January 7, 2011.

Merton, Thomas. The Inner Experience. Ed. by William H. Shannon. San Francisco: Harper Collins, 1995.

_______. New Seeds of Contemplation. New York: New Directions, 1972.

_______. What is Contemplation? Springfield, IL: Templegate, 1950.

Metz, Johann Baptist. Faith in History and Society: Toward a Practical Fundamental Theology. Translated by Matthew Ashley. New York: Cross Publishing, 2007.

Open Doors. “North Korea.” World Watch List 2023. https://www.opendoors.org/en-US/persecution/countries/north-korea. Accessed on May 5, 2023.

Tertullian. “On Baptism.” Ante-Nicene Fathers: Translations of the Writings of the Fathers down to A.D. 325: Vol. III - Latin Christianity: Its Founder Tertullian. Eds. by Alexander Roberts and James Donaldson, 669-79. Buffalo, NY: Christian Literature, 1887.

The Voice of the Martyrs. Extreme Devotion: The Voice of the Martyrs. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2002.

The Voice of the Martyrs and P. Todd Nettleton. North Korea: Good News Reaches the Hermit Kingdom. Restricted Nations series. Bartlesville, OK: Living Sacrifice Book Company, 2008.

Abstract

Can the ancient martyrdom narrative of Perpetua and Felicitas, which is considered by many scholars as a Montanist document, benefit today’s readers? To find an answer to this question I have analyzed the contents and dynamic of the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas from the perspective of the spiritual practice, using a literary approach. Then, I have compared the Passion with the inner dynamic of the Spiritual Exercises by Ignatius of Loyola, a renowned manual for spiritual practice, in order to prove that the narrative contains the spiritual formation process and spiritual experiences of the martyrs as the witnesses of Christ. Finally, I have examined the value of the martyrdom narrative both for North Korean Christians under persecution and South Korean readers who think that they have nothing to do with martyrdom. Through this process I have contended that the ancient narrative still has precious value for Korean Christians not only because martyrdom still happens in the world, but also because the narrative communicates to today’s readers the spiritual practices of nascent martyrs and their experiences and invites them to live as authentic Christians. In sum, the Passion of Perpetua and Felicitas is a useful resource for today’s Christians to be formed as witnesses of Christ.

한글 초록

몬타누스파 문서로 여겨지는 고대 순교자들의 이야기 『페르페투아와 펠리시타스의 수난』이 그리스도교 고전 작품으로서 오늘날의 독자들에게 어떤 유익이 될 수 있을까? 이 질문에 대한 답을 찾기 위해 필자는 먼저 이 작품을 문학적 접근법을 사용하여 영성 훈련의 관점에서 분석하였다. 그리고 이 작품에 나타나는 영성 훈련의 주제들과 그 역동을 널리 인정받는 영성 훈련 교본인 로욜라의 이냐시오의 『영신 수련』의 내적 역동과 비교함으로써 이 작품에는 순교자들의 그리스도의 증인으로서의 영성 형성 과정과 체험이 담겨 있음을 증명하였다. 마지막으로 이 작품이 오늘날 박해 가운데 있는 북한의 그리스도인들은 물론, 현재 자신들은 순교와 아무 상관이 없다고 생각하는 남한의 그리스도인들에게 어떤 유익을 줄 수 있는지 살펴보았다. 이러한 과정을 통해 필자는 고대 순교자들의 이야기인 『페르페투아와 펠리시타스의 수난』이 오늘날의 한국 독자들에게 초기 순교자들의 영적 훈련과 체험을 전달하여 그들도 그러한 훈련에 참여하도록 초청하는 여전히 가치 있는 작품임을 논증하였다. 한 마디로 이 작품은 현대 그리스도인들이 그리스도의 증언자가 되기 위한 영적 훈련에 도움이 되는 유용한 자료이다.

어린 시절 나의 별명은 ‘책벌레’였다. 사람들은 나를 그렇게 불렀고, 나는 그 별명을 좋아했다. 아이들과 밖에서 딱지치기나 술래잡기를 하며 노는 것보다 집에 앉아서 책을 읽는 것이 좋았다. 중고등학교에 가서도 클럽 활동으로 도서부에 들어가 도서관 청소부터 시작하여, 독서토론회에 이르기까지 책과 관련된 일이면 무엇이든 열심히 했다. 그만큼 많은 책을 읽었고, 심지어 별로 도움이 안 되는 책을 몇 권 쓰기도 했다. 그 중에서 내가 가장 탐독하였고, 또 내게 가장 많은 영향을 끼친 책은 단연 성경이다.  

성경을 읽는 다양한 방법들이 있는데, 나의 경험을 돌아보면 성장 시기에 따라 주로 사용한 방법들이 구별된다. 어린 시절에는 규칙적으로 성경을 읽지는 않았지만, 주일학교에 다니면서 성탄절 발표회나 성경고사 준비를 위해 그때 그때 필요한 구절들을 ‘암송’하였다. 그리고 중학생이 되면서는 학습과 세례를 받기 위해 먼저는 신약성경을, 이어서 구약성경을 처음부터 끝까지 ‘통독’하였다. (당시 내가 다니던 교회에서는 세례를 받기 위해서는 반드시 성경을 완독해야 했는데, 그 조건을 채우기 위해 말씀의 의미는 전혀 생각하지도 않고 눈으로 글자들만 재빨리 훑어가며 책장을 넘겼던 부끄러운 기억이 있다.) 

이후 말씀을 보다 진지하게 읽기 시작한 것은 ‘큐티’(Quiet Time)라는 말씀 묵상 방법을 배우면서였다. 고등학교 시절 무거운 책가방에도 항상 큐티책을 넣어 다녔고, 그 습관은 청년 시기에도 이어져 (물론 불성실한 때도 있었지만) 매일 공부를 시작하기 전에 말씀 묵상을 먼저 하고 기도했다. 관찰, 해석, 적용의 귀납적 성경연구방법을 활용한 큐티는 날마다 규칙적으로 말씀을 읽으며, 주님과 동행하는 삶을 살아가는 데에 도움을 준 유용한 방법이었다. 신학대학원 입학 준비를 위해 성경 통독도하고, 암송도 하고, 암기 위주의 지적인 공부도 하였지만, 큐티는 하나님과 개인적인 친밀한 만남을 갖는 주된 수단이었다. 

그런데 신학대학원에 입학하면서는 점점 큐티를 하지 않게 되었다. 그것은 신학 공부를 하며 마음이 차가워지거나 너무 바빠져서가 아니라 새로운 말씀 묵상 방법을 알게 되었기 때문이었다. 그것이 바로 이 글에서 소개하는 ‘거룩한 독서’이다. 거룩한 독서는 고대로부터 내려져 오는 말씀 묵상과 기도 방법인 렉시오 디비나(lectio divina)를 번역한 말이다. 라틴어 ‘렉시오’(lectio)는 ‘읽기/독서’라는 뜻의 명사이고, ‘디비나’(divina)는 ‘거룩한/신성한’이라는 뜻을 가지고 있는 형용사이다. 그래서 우리말로는 문자적 의미 그대로 ‘거룩한 독서’, ‘거룩한 읽기’, ‘성독’(聖讀) 등으로 번역되고 있다. 보다 쉽게는 용어의 문자적 의미보다 내용을 살려 ‘말씀묵상기도’라고 일컫기도 한다. 

기독교 문헌에서 라틴어 ‘렉시오 디비나’라는 용어는 ‘서방 수도원 제도의 아버지’라 일컬어지는 누르시아의 베네딕투스(Benedictus: c.480-c.547)의 수도 규칙에서 처음 발견된다.* 그런데 그는 이 규칙서에서 렉시오 디비나를 단순히 언급하고 있을 뿐이지 그 방법을 정확하게 설명하고 있는 것은 아니다. 그것은 렉시오 디비나가 이미 기독교 수도 전통에서 오랫동안 실천되어 오고 있었기 때문이다. 베네딕투스 이전의 교부들의 문헌에서도 ‘거룩한 독서’로 번역될 만한 그리스어 용어가 발견되고 있으며, 더 나아가 그 뿌리는 신·구약 성서에서 하나님의 말씀을 거룩한 텍스트로 여기고 경건한 마음으로 읽는 사람들의 모습에서 찾아볼 수 있다. **

이렇게 오랫동안 다양한 지역에서 실천되어 온 거룩한 독서는 당연히 원래부터 한 가지의 고정된 방식으로 행해지지는 않았다. 실제로 다양한 방식으로 실천되어왔고, 독서 자료도 신·구약 성서 외에도 영성 생활에 도움이 되는 교부들의 글도 선택해서 읽었다. 그래서 12세기 카르투지오회 수도원장 귀고 2세(Guigo II, ?-c.1188)는 이를 단순하게 정리할 필요를 느꼈다. 그래서 그는 거룩한 독서를 (1) 읽기(lectio), (2) 묵상하기(meditatio), (3) 기도하기(oratio), (4) 바라보기(contemplatio)의 네 가지 요소로 정리하여 소개하였고, 오늘날 대부분이 이 방식을 따라 거룩한 독서를 실천하고 있다. 

그 방법을 간단하게 소개하면, 먼저 ‘읽기’는 말 그대로 말씀을 읽는 것이다. 비록 성경의 각각의 책들은 오래전에 특정한 독자들을 대상으로 기록되었지만, 지금 읽는 이 말씀을 통해서 하나님께서 오늘 나에게 개인적으로 말씀하실 것을 기대하며, 마치 ‘하나님의 사랑의 편지’를 읽듯 말씀을 읽는다. 이때는 이성을 사용하여 말씀을 분석하고, 연구하기보다는 마음으로 읽어야 한다. 다시 말해 말씀을 읽으며 지금 내 마음에 와닿는 구절이나 단어가 무엇인지 느껴본다. 같은 본문이라도 자신의 삶의 정황이나 마음의 상태에 따라 이전과는 다른 구절이나 단어가 마음에 다가올 수도 있다. 그래서 거룩한 독서는 내가 말씀을 읽는 것이 아니라, 말씀이 나를 읽는 것, 또는 하나님께서 말씀을 통해서 나를 읽는 것이라 표현할 수 있다. 

그렇게 마음에 와닿는 말씀을 발견하게 되면, 그것을 반복해서 읊조리며 묵상을 시작한다. ‘왜 이 말씀이 마음에 와 닿는 걸까?’ ‘하나님께서는 이 말씀을 통해서 나에게 무엇을 말씀하시는 걸까?’라는 질문들을 가지고 말씀을 마음 깊은 곳으로 가져가서 반복해서 읊조리며 묵상한다. 이때는 이성만 작용하는 것이 아니라 마음도 함께 움직이기 때문에 자신의 마음이 말하는 소리, 또한 자신의 마음 깊은 곳에서 말씀하시는 하나님의 음성에 귀를 열고 기울인다. 

그렇게 하다 보면, 묵상은 저절로 기도로 이어진다. 마음 깊은 곳에서 일어나는 감정과 생각을, 그것이 기쁨과 감사와 같이 긍정적인 것이든지, 슬픔이나 원망과 같이 부정적인 것이든지 상관없이 있는 그대로 솔직하게 하나님께 말씀드린다. 이때 반드시 기억할 것은 ‘기도는 하나님과의 대화’라는 매우 잘 알려진 정의이다. 곧, 하나님께 자신의 마음을 진솔하게 표현하고 말씀드리기만 하고 끝내는 것이 아니라, 반드시 하나님의 말씀에 귀를 기울이고, 하나님의 반응에 주의를 기울여야 한다. 그래야 진정한 의미에서의 하나님과의 대화, 곧 기도가 일어난다. 

이렇게 해서 하나님과 충분한 대화가 이루어지면, 이제 거룩한 독서의 마지막 순간이자 큐티와 가장 분명히 구분되는 독특한 순간으로 들어갈 준비가 되는데, 그것은 ‘바라보기’이다. 두 사람의 연인이 만나서 데이트를 하는 장면을 떠올려보면, 그들은 만나서 서로 할 말을 다했다고 즉시 헤어지는 법이 없다. 더 이상 할 이야기가 없어도 그들은 얼마 동안 함께 머물며 서로를 바라보고, 사랑을 나눈다. 언어를 통한 의사소통을 넘어선 깊은 차원의 사랑의 교감이 이때 일어난다. 거룩한 독서에서 바라보기도 이와 비슷하다. 읽고, 묵상하고, 기도할 때 사용하던 모든 생각과 말을 내려 놓고, 그저 하나님의 현존 안에 머물며 사랑의 눈으로 그분을 바라본다. 그러면 나를 바라보시는 하나님의 마음과 만나 깊은 사랑의 연합을 경험한다. 

이와 같은 거룩한 독서의 네 가지 요소들은 반드시 순차적으로 일어날 필요는 없지만, 이 네 가지가 모두 다 필요하다. 귀고 2세는 다음과 같이 명쾌하게 말한다.

묵상 없는 독서는 메마르며, 독서 없는 묵상은 오류에 빠지기 쉽습니다. 묵상 없는 기도는 냉담하고 기도 없는 묵상은 열매를 맺지 못합니다. 기도가 열정적일 때 바라봄에 이르는 것이지, 기도 없이 바라봄에 이르는 경우는 거의 없으니, 그것은 기적에 가깝습니다. (《수도승의 사다리》, 12장).

독서와 묵상과 기도와 바라봄, 이 네 가지는 거룩한 독서 안에서 성령님의 인도하심에 따라 자유롭게 일어난다. 그래서 흔히 거룩한 독서를 성령님의 인도에 따라 추는 ‘춤’으로 비유한다. 지금까지 설명한 거룩한 독서의 실천 방법은 함께 싣는 그림에 보다 간략하게 요약되어 있다. 이 그림은 필자가 영락수련원에서 ‘거룩한 독서 수련’을 안내할 때 설명을 위해 종종 칠판에 그리는 것이다. 

영락수련원은 그 설립부터 ‘말씀묵상기도 수련’, 곧 거룩한 독서를 가르치고, 안내하는 것을 그 사명으로 하고 있다. 영락수련원에서 주최하는 정기수련과 각 부서의 요청으로 여는 위탁수련을 통해서 거룩한 독서를 안내하며 실천하고 있다. 또한, 코로나19로 수련을 할 수 없었던 때에는 각 개인이 자신의 삶의 자리에서 거룩한 독서를 실천할 수 있도록 거룩한 독서 영상을 만들어 유튜브 영락수련원 채널을 통해 나누기도 하였다. 거룩한 독서는 결코 어렵지 않다. 말씀을 통해 하나님과 더 친밀한 사귐을 누리고자 하는 열망만 있다면, 성령님께서 친히 인도하시고 도우실 것이다. 

* “게으름은 영혼의 적이다. 그러므로 형제들은 렉시오 디비나뿐만 아니라 육체노동을 위한 구체적인 시간을 배정해야 한다.”(누르시아의 베네딕트 지음, 권혁일·김재현 옮김, 『베네딕트의 규칙서』(서울: KIATS, 2011), 91. 

** 렉시오 디비나의 성서적, 역사적 배경을 보다 더 자세히 알고자 하면 다음의 글을 참고하라. 권혁일, “거룩한 읽기,” 《오늘부터 시작하는 영성훈련》(서울: 두란노, 2017), 33-53.

- 영락교회 〈만남〉(2023년 6월호)에 “‘거룩한 독서’ 어렵지 않습니다.”라는 제목으로 게재된 글. 잡지에 인쇄되어 나간 글은 편집부에서 분량도 줄이고 윤문도 많이 해서, 이곳에는 송고한 원고를 올려둔다.